Placed in Neutral

Suffocation in a place that was called home,
A place with heat hot and familiar face,
I brace myself for everyone to read my case, 
Everything stopping or moving slow,
Make it make sense, I can’t let this idle feeling go. 
 
Small but loud in my head,
Planning for the future but living in the present,
Thinking about the past,
But coming to the realization that nothing lasts,
Do they genuinely care about my future plans?
Why are their opinions affecting how I am? 
 
Neutral, that is what I am,
Almost stuck but not fully, 
can see a life ahead, but not right in front of me.
How do I take myself out of neutral?
 
At this point, I would rather park,
Not moving at all, 
At least there is stability in knowing what’s going on,
And I can be happy in parked and move on,
It would not be permanent more temporary tall,
Until I could put myself in drive and meet my mind in fall.